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wake up (feat. CENSORED dialogue)

from I Thought I Lost You by mars kumari

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lyrics

used to move so desperately
for n****s wishing death on me
gave more than i had
i got that emotional debt on me
living life so recklessly
living life so recklessly
chemicals my detriment
and everybody else can see

everybody else but me
everybody else but me
big ass hole up in my heart
i filled it with them P’s
pills and potions
proportionally potent
tryna placate problems
that keep growing in their portions

i’m my biggest enemy
and everybody else can see
xannies be embracing me
like Nemo and anemones
annihilate my memory
of anything contemporary
the pain that you donated me
is still gon keep on chasing me

i think i need therapy
but vulnerable i’m scared to be
i don’t know who’s really me
and honestly i’m scared to see
who she is and how she acts
or when she don’t hold back
there’s no room for error
because my whole life they cut no slack

my whole life they stabbed my back
my memory has cataracts
of everything that wasn’t bad
the good times they just fade to black
chest full of anxiety
it hurts when i try to breathe
i am scared to let you live
cuz i’m scared of you leaving me
once upon a time
i used to be my mother’s everything
then she had my siblings
that’s when she started beating me

daddy used to say
that they should’ve gotten rid of me

credits

from I Thought I Lost You, released December 1, 2023

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mars kumari Oakland, California

When Jacques Derrida defined the lingering Marxism of late-Capitalist society as hauntological, mashing together the words haunting and ontology, he couldn’t have imagined what the era might sound like. Mars Kumari captures the grief and grit of loss we all feel now, haunted as we are by what was here and is now missing."
-Roy Christopher


Deadverse
Bruiser Brigade
... more

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